Resting Easy
by saphirearella
Summary: Blaine had noticed Kurt acting strange recently, slowly seperatig himself from those around him. Possibly triggering. Suicide fic. Multiple Character death.


Kurt doesn't do much out of the ordinary. He studies, he socializes, but he doesn't go out with his friends. Uniforms leave him no reason to plan outfits. There is lack of snarky remarks, which is almost disheartening. Not only to the Warblers, but a few other Dalton students whom Kurt has become friends with. You can see their expectant faces when one of them teases Kurt, and when they only get a laugh in return, you can see their eyes narrow, their eyebrows furrow.

Not typical Kurt behavior.

His singing was more subdued, and he had been wearing his hair in a looser style, allowing it to fall into a more natural side part, looking much younger and cuter and much more free. Looser.

Not typical Kurt behavior.

Then there's the things Kurt has been saying. Lovely compliments to everyone. He has been lingering just tad too long on the goodbyes for his usual behavior, keeping it brisk most the the time, but now each breath seems so, so important. As if any moment anything and everything will die. It was unnerving. Hugs were drawn out, Kurt snuggling into the warmth of Blaine's blazer, and while he didn't mind, it made him a bit worried. Was there a reason Kurt was so clingy?

But then there was today. Today Kurt hadn't been saying much to anybody at all. Clipping off conversations. Exchanging hugs for handshakes. Like he is trying to wean everybody off of him. Like he doesn't want them getting too used to him..being there.

Blaine was scared out of his mind.

He went to check Kurt, but when he entered the dorm room, the lights were off. An unseen force grabbed his lapel and pulled him close. Lips met and eyes shut blissfully. Somehow Blaine knew these lips well enough. Even the Warblers could tell you he spent enough time studying them in class, and as each curve and creased came to meet his, it was everything he imagined.

And then Kurt pulled away.

Blaine looked in his direction, or what he hoped was his direction.

"Why?" he said, breathlessly.

"I wanted to make peace with myself. Kissing you was the only way I could do that." he whispered.

"Goodbye, Blaine." Not goodnight, not see you later, nor any other normal greetings, but goodbye. There was some sense of finality in Kurt's words that drove Blaine crazy.

"What do you mean, goodbye?"

"I mean exactly what I mean. Goodbye. We won't be seeing each other again, at least, I hope we don't until a very long time. You deserve this," he gestured encompassingly. "These beautiful people we call friends, these opportunities. You deserve to fall in love with someone."

"I have." Blaine takes his cold hand in the darkness. "It's you." Kurt is speechless for a moment.

"You deserve more than damaged goods." and Blaine doesn't like the cold smile that Kurt gives him. It has a numbing affect. An affect of melancholy, and sorrow.

It kills Blaine, even if the effort is to kill Kurt.

"So are you going to end all of this?"

"Immediately. In the blink of any eye."

"In the bat of a lash?"

"If that is how you choose to so put it, yes. The bat of a lash."

"Will be painful, won't it?"

"Not if I hurry. Not if you leave now."

"I want to spend the rest of your life with you."

"It won't be pretty."

"Nothing's pretty after meeting you. I guess you've raised my expectations to an unfair level." Kurt smirks.

"Don't do that."

"I've no idea what you're talking about." Blaine says, genuinely confused.

"Don't do that."

"What?"

"What you're doing. Flattering me, telling me these things." Kurt's voice was soft.

"I love you. Showering you with love and compliments until your life was over was a goal of mine from the beginning. Sad that you are ending it so soon. I would've preferred to shower you with compliments for at least another fifty years." He holds Kurt's hand tenderly. Kurt shivers, and Blaine wraps an arm around him.

"Damn you."

"Why?"

"Because all this pain, has been occupying my heart. For such a long time, I've been imagining this. How will I end it? What way is fast enough? And the one I thought of? Sleeping pills. I was going to down a bottle of sleeping pills and just fall asleep."

"The ideal death." Kurt nodded.

"Yet, here you are, screwing up my plan. Just as I am about to rid myself of my worldy troubles, just as I am about to free myself from all the pain in my heart, here you come, finding some way into it."

"Those are words I would love to to hear, phrased a bit differently, on another occasion, years from now, or months at least. In a sunny place, with bright blue skies and oceans that match your eyes."

"I'd like that." Kurt said honestly. "But I don't know if you should keep trying to burrow into there."

"Why?"

"It is dark and filled with horrible feelings of pain, and guilt, and loneliness. You'd do well to stay away."

"I'd do well." he agreed.

"You're not stopping me."

"I never said I was going to. Only that I would prefer if we were not having this conversation, and if we must, let it be at a later date."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything. But a big part of that is not telling me that I would hurt everyone who loved me. That I'm selfish."

"You're not selfish."

"Thank you."

"You're hurting. But there are other ways to relieve this hurt."

"Sleep. Eternal sleep. Resting, healing, fading away to the nothingness of the world."

"At least let me journey with you."

"What?"

"Let's go together. Do you have a spare bottle? Provided, there are certainly enough pills in that one for two people, but how great would our sorrow be if one was left behind. Best to be certain." Kurt uneasily nodded. He shakily grabbed a second bottle and handed it to Blaine. He poured them each a tall glass of water. Kurt's splashed. The water spilling onto his pale legs, causing goosebumps to raise from his flesh and the wind to turn the water cold, the moon watching over them through the window. Observing the children who were about to join him.

"So sure, so calm. This is how I would prefer to die anyway."

"In a dark room with your depressed friend whom you fancy?"

"Not quite like that. But let us run through the scenarios that would inevitably happen if we were to live a natural life, to die a natural death."

"Heart attacks, diseases, old age."

"And the possible ones like poisoning, cancer, car crashes.."

"This is a much better way of dying."

"Agreed."

"Are you ready to sleep?" and the finality of the question, that if answered yes, would never be asked again, was a fixture in the room. Suddenly a part of this journey, too.

As they each swallowed the last of the pills, they shared a sleepy smile, a look of triumph, that even if they had given up the world, they had gotten each other, and they kissed. A really lazy movement of the lips and he snuggled up against Blaine's chest and Blaine's arms curled around him, and the world faded, faded, into oblivion...

Sleep was nice. He was resting peaceful.


End file.
